Why knowing your love language is so important

I love tools that help me know me. Have you heard about love languages? OMG knowing my love language has helped me so much with my self confidence, and feeling like people don’t care at all about me, something I used to feel. A lot. It has also immensely improved my close relationships.

There are 5 love languages and they have come from The Five Love Languages Book by Gary Chapman. I don’t remember much about the book anymore but there it is if you want to read it yourself.

There is a quiz online that you can use to determine what your primary love language is. Here’s the link to it.  It’s not mine, I didn’t make it, but I found it so helpful and I love to share that kind of stuff. 😃

The 5 love languages are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Acts of Service.

We all use all the languages, but we have a primary which is directly connected to our “love tank” and when someone “speaks” our love language to us often, our love tank fills up and we feel loved. Simple right?

I am a bi-linguist… meaning I have 2 primary love languages. I scored equal for both every time I took that quiz. They are touch, and words.

5 love langauges - touchThis means that when people touch me, even a casual touch, I am super prone to reading much more into that than other people would. The Words love language means that I take everything that is said about me super personally, especially when it comes from people I love and trust. But also sadly when it comes from people on the internet.

My husband is super sarcastic and witty. Which I love about him! When we first got together though, he would say sarcastic things about me, to me as a joke.

With my Words love language I never could take that as a joke, it was always a super hurtful thing to me, and it would make me cry, be angry and sad.

We eventually learned about love languages, and omg the light bulbs that went on! He will still say sarcastic things, but he’s learned to not joke with words like “you’re the dumbest, you silly”. Which I would take literally, and he would mean as a teasing joke.

We both had to shift a little. I do my best not to take personally what he says, and also to let him know, in a calm manner later, that what he said was very hurtful and this is what I took it to mean. Which has never been what he meant it to mean.

By using the tools of knowing our love languages we have been able to grow together as a couple, and have more harmony in our relationship.

His primary language is touch, which usually works out well. We can cuddle on the couch or hold hands and we both get our love tanks filled.

5 love langauges - giftsWe generally show love in our own primary language, which means if you and your partner don’t have the same one, you’ll have to make a little more conscious effort to speak theirs and they yours.

I used to get all in my head when people would touch me, especially if it was someone I was a little interested in. I remember in college we were having a wrap party for a play we did and one of the other technicians I worked with  gave me a nice big bear hug at the party. For weeks after that I thought he was into me. Nope, he was just at a celebration and hugging people.

I find the love language of Touch to be super interesting, especially when you combine it with being super sensitive to energies and such. I don’t generally like to touch people on greeting. But I am a hugger on leaving, after I’ve gotten comfortable with people.

It took me a while to notice this about myself. I’d meet up with friends and we’d hug on greeting and I’d feel uncomfortable. But I’d want to have a hug on parting.

It’s all a journey about self acceptance, and once you’ve accepted that this is the way you currently are, you give yourself space to change some things if you really don’t like them. It’s when we resist and resist something about ourselves thinking “I should do that. I need to be better” that we hold ourselves in these patterns.

What love language did you get from the quiz? Did you get a neat ah ha insight from learning that?

 

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